AITA-Mother’s Day Edition - December 2021 Babies | Forums | What to Expect (2024)

I think you need to do what you need to so you don’t feel stressed. Being a mom is hard, and since you have a new baby at home, your hormones are still adjusting.

If you want to know what I would do in that situation, when my daughter went through spells of not napping, I did not change our day. She becomes chaotic, but crap happens, and I’m not going to let her not napping stop me from doing what I want to do/doing what we’ve already planned. As for the eating out part, for the most of the time my girl is really easy going in restaurants but if the food starts to take awhile she gets antsy. She will start yelling and throwing crayons and wanting to get out of the chair. That is when I have the hardest time. However, I think about the food we’re about to get and get over my feelings �� This is just a phase and won’t last forever. There’s going to be a time coming when your new baby is the one causing the ruckus and your toddler is going to be one behaving. Life is crazy.

I guess I don't understand. Why couldn't your MIL have come to your house? You are 100% NTA for not wanting to take a newborn and an un-napped 2yo out of the house. Hard no.

Before I was a mom I always did something really nice for my mom on Mother's Day. Now that I'm the mom with small kids, my mom treats me on Mother's Day. I kinda have a bone to pick with the whole idea that moms with grown kids who get to rest literally 365 days per year would make it harder for moms with young kids who get to rest, literally, never. They should make the day easier on us. Come over and babysit for a few hours while we go to a spa treatment if they want to see the grandkids so bad. We are mothers too, and we're the ones who are currently mommy-ing!

I also feel you on this whole stage. It's brutal. I have 2 toddlers so going absolutely anywhere that isn't designed specifically for toddlers is pretty much off the table. I would never take my kids to a busy restaurant. Basically the only place we go is the zoo and toddler play groups. I stand haphazardly in the middle of the play space to make sure 1) neither of my kids are fighting, and 2) neither of them run away. Sometimes I want to go out with my friends (who also have toddlers) but I feel like it would be pointless because we wouldn't be able to actually catch up.

I hate when people ask me if I "just stay home with the kids." No, I work every weekend. And also, "just" staying home with the kids is 10x harder than my actual job. My kids are wild! Keeping them alive is more than a full time gig.

I have a rule that if my daughter doesn’t nap, I don’t leave home after 4pm. I don’t care what our plans were, or what anyone says. They would be making the same judgy comments if I brought my daughter and she acted out. Family initially thought this was ridiculous, but honestly toddlers are not themselves when they are overtired, and it’s truly unfair to stretch them that thin and expect them to behave appropriately. I think it is important to set them up for success, and dragging them out after a long day with no nap to recharge is a BIG ask.

Also, leaving home after 4pm after no nap means likely sleeping late in the car, which leads to a confusing evening and bedtime. Not worth it to me at all.

NTA for readjusting your schedule taking into account the present situation with your kids. Overstimulating a cranky baby/toddler at a loud event is a nightmare. Both grandmas are TAs for guilt-tripping you about everything.

However, I think there might be a slight issue with the overall attitude towards the toddler being a toddler? They are all going through a period of emotional development, and will test and explore boundaries and develop a bigger sense of self and what they like or dislike etc. It is completely normal for this age, and it's not just your LO being a handful/difficult/problematic. I do empathise that your resources are low because you have 2 young children - that must be a lot for you.

I am also a recovering people pleaser. And I am thinking about this a lot. How my upbringing contributed to that, and how I don't want the same for my LO. So it will take more patience on my part, not to be the one "who knows best", who has a short temper, who says s/he must do things "because I said so", etc.... I think this relates a lot to the above paragraph about trying our best to have patience and support them in this emotionally difficult time the best we can... and make mistakes and then try our best again tomorrow.

Take care!

You are NTA. Your family can throw all the fits they want or try to guilt trip you but at the end of the day YOU are the one who’s going to have to deal w your unnapped toddler AND the infant, not them. So they can suck it lol.

Offer to drop your daughter off with them at the restaurant next time and you’ll pick her back up when theyre done. See what they say ��